Nope. Still not better

It's still not ok. I don't think it ever will be. I am at peace with that. I can live with this sorrow. I ate dark chocolate and cheese cake for you today. I wore your earrings to the office party. I carried you with me everywhere I went and when I lie down in bed tonight, I will dream of being with you again. I can't wait to be with you again. Only then will I be able to say that it is finally better.

I miss you more now, but I'm at peace with that too. When I realize again that I truly cannot pick up the phone and call you, my breath still catches in my chest. A little sob still seeps out at strange times. Mostly in private now, though the right note in a song can still do it. I don't watch movies anymore. I just can't bear it.

Pathos is the name of the ache I carry for you now. We struggle on. That's all any of us can do. My god how I ache for you.